Doctor’s Visit

Does it seem odd when I say, “I’m so glad I had eating disorders”?

Without the pain of unwanted bingeing, I might have been forever held back by my low self-worth. I may never have seen just how spiritually broken – and in need of Jesus – I am. 

The first obvious sign of my brokenness was anorexia. Yet at the time, I didn’t it as unhealthy. I felt in control and slim – and slim equals healthy, right? Not necessarily. 

My denial of anorexia meant I wasn’t ready to admit that undereating, hardly eating, was a symptom of low self-worth and spiritual brokenness.

It’s only when we recognise symptoms of illness in our body that we seek a doctor. If we don’t see the signs, we go on in denial, thinking we’re fine. The same is true spiritually.

When I began bingeing, I was doing something I didn’t want to do. I relate so much to Romans 7:15:

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”

Bulimia broke my denial. It was clear something was very wrong; I was doing something I didn’t want to do – and though I tried and tried, I couldn’t stop. That’s when I began to see my need for help.

When we think we’ve got it all together (like I did in anorexia) or believe we should be able to fix ourselves (like I did in the early years of bulimia), we won’t seek Jesus’ help. 

But knowing we’re broken and can’t fix it ourselves gives us the humility to reach out to Him. I’ve often wondered if I hadn’t binged, would I have ever grasped how much I needed Jesus – His love, forgiveness and power to change?

If I had cancer, but missed the symptoms, I wouldn’t visit a doctor. Spiritually, it’s the same.

We are all sick – we sin and live outside God’s design for our lives, but until we spot the symptoms (a harmful thought pattern or destructive behaviour), we may not realise how much we need to go to Jesus.

Jesus is our spiritual doctor. In Mark 2:17 Jesus said, 

“It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

Doctor Jesus’ diagnosis of us all is: 

^“all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” Romans 3:23

But He also provides the cure: 

“…all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:24

Spiritual health comes when we live in His ways and believe what He says about us. That’s spiritual medicine. Jesus says in John 15:5:

“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” 

Recognising the symptom – my bingeing – led me to Doctor Jesus. And He didn’t just take away the symptom; He treated the underlying cause; a broken view of myself. Like a surgeon, He replaced self-hatred with truth – the truth that my sins are forgiven, and that I am loved and valued. 

Visiting Him, receiving His healing, has freed me from of eating disorders, and enabled me to live a more fruitful life – one I never could have had without His truth sinking deep into my heart.

That’s why can honestly say, “I’m so glad I had eating disorders.” 

Without those dark, destructive behaviours, I might never have been set free from the chains of self-hatred and uselessness. 

Do you recognise your own spiritual brokenness? I encourage you to visit Doctor Jesus. 

Turn to Him in prayer. Read the Bible and soak in His truth. Find a church that teaches about the Jesus of the Bible. And if you can, join a Celebrate Recovery group to help you walk the biblical path to healing.